( He blinks at Raidou, expression sliding swiftly back to blank when he understands this is about him. A part of Geto is dearly tempted to just step away and shut the door in the boy's face. The longer he stands here, the worse it feels. There's an ache in his chest, a pulsing behind his eyes, his stomach rolling at the idea of food.
He thinks the act of swallowing something might kill him. )
I'm not.
( Hungry. )
I'm fine, thank you Raidou-san. But it's been a wasted journey.
( It comes too quick, and too sharp, the blow of it flickering just briefly across Geto's faux placid face. His jaw clenches, teeth grinding, nostrils flaring as he takes a deep breath, holds it. He should be better than this, he knows it. Grief is a tight knot, a fist against his throat. )
Raidou-san, I know you're trying to be kind. But I'm not -. ( A pause. The fact of the matter is that he's barely holding on. He has a tenuous grip on his violence as is. It's miraculous that he's managed to get here, hidden away in his room. Any time the anger rises he remembers Gojo's blank eyes in the desert. He has to remind himself of that, hands shaking where they're gripping the door. ) - I can't think.
( Each time his thoughts drift he finds the hold loosening. )
I'm sorry that I upset Yuji. But you understand why I had to pull back.
[He looks pained at that remark, unable to say anything. All he can do is silently hold out hope that maybe someday, LILITH can bring them here. Raidou was on the brink of death when brought here. So are others he's spoken to. There's always a chance.]
I know. But please don't apologize. I understand. I just--
[He doesn't know what to do, how to help, if anything could ever be made easier. Yuji only blames himself for not being strong enough to stop Sukuna, and all the lives he took while in control of his body. He's not to blame, but if it were Raidou in his shoes, he knows he'd feel the same way. Raidou can't come up with the right words for him, either.]
I'll leave you be. I wanted to check on you. I-I was worried about you too, when I heard what happened.
( He's not entirely sure why anyone would be worried, but maybe it means that his journey had been progressing. It's entirely halted now. He doesn't particularly feel like caring for anything else, not the other Outsiders, not the natives, not this entire fucking place. ( He still does, about the small sphere he has already begun to care for. He wouldn't turn on them now. Which is why he's stood here, and not elsewhere, taking the weight of his grief out on the universe. A tentative hold, but a hold none the less. )
He looks at Raidou again, then at the box in his hands. He holds his own out quietly. Maybe he can eat some of it before the nausea hits. )
Thank you.
( Another pause. He badly wants to retreat back to his bed, makes himself swallow the lump in his throat. )
( Not very vague, but whatever. ) I'm not angry at him, but I can't talk to him. Will you keep an eye, Raidou-san? I don't want him to be hurt by something beyond his realm of control, but it's complicated.
( The more words, the more strained his voice becomes, as though each costs him something. Pain pulses a little behind his eyes. )
[He really does. He's been through this with Yuji before, but nothing Raidou can ever say seems like a comfort in the face of the horrible tragedies Yuji had to witness committed with his own body. While Yuji might not be to blame, Raidou can understand the misplaced anger. He just went through the same thing with Ereshkigal and her guardians. Some of it still lingers, the emotion spiting all logic.]
I will. I always will. [He feels helpless sometimes, in the face of the things the sorcerers have experienced back home. Feeling like an outsider, trying to help with problems he couldn't ever completely comprehend. But he has to try.]
I've, ah. I've bothered you long enough. I hope you can get some rest.
( The relief from Geto is almost palpable. He has done what he needed to do, shown his face to someone without the sharpness of his own violence escaping from behind his teeth. He has managed to keep himself leashed. And now he will be allowed to hide away with it again, that yawning mouth, those snapping jaws. He nods, hair falling limply into his eyes, already half retreated back into his room. )
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no subject
He thinks the act of swallowing something might kill him. )
I'm not.
( Hungry. )
I'm fine, thank you Raidou-san. But it's been a wasted journey.
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A-Alright. You can put it in the fridge, or I can keep it if you change your mind.
[If he puts homemade Japanese crab salad in the cafeteria fridges, it'll disappear in an instant.]
Look. I, ah, I don't expect you to want to talk. To me. But if there's anything I can do, please let me know.
[He's not good at talking, but he's pretty good at listening.]
no subject
( It comes too quick, and too sharp, the blow of it flickering just briefly across Geto's faux placid face. His jaw clenches, teeth grinding, nostrils flaring as he takes a deep breath, holds it. He should be better than this, he knows it. Grief is a tight knot, a fist against his throat. )
Raidou-san, I know you're trying to be kind. But I'm not -. ( A pause. The fact of the matter is that he's barely holding on. He has a tenuous grip on his violence as is. It's miraculous that he's managed to get here, hidden away in his room. Any time the anger rises he remembers Gojo's blank eyes in the desert. He has to remind himself of that, hands shaking where they're gripping the door. ) - I can't think.
( Each time his thoughts drift he finds the hold loosening. )
I'm sorry that I upset Yuji. But you understand why I had to pull back.
no subject
I know. But please don't apologize. I understand. I just--
[He doesn't know what to do, how to help, if anything could ever be made easier. Yuji only blames himself for not being strong enough to stop Sukuna, and all the lives he took while in control of his body. He's not to blame, but if it were Raidou in his shoes, he knows he'd feel the same way. Raidou can't come up with the right words for him, either.]
I'll leave you be. I wanted to check on you. I-I was worried about you too, when I heard what happened.
[Not just over Yuji.]
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He looks at Raidou again, then at the box in his hands. He holds his own out quietly. Maybe he can eat some of it before the nausea hits. )
Thank you.
( Another pause. He badly wants to retreat back to his bed, makes himself swallow the lump in his throat. )
Has everyone been all right?
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Save it for later. When you're feeling up to it.
[He was prepared to leave after that, but stops when he's asked that question. It's a bit broad, so he's not sure how to answer.]
Ah... As best as to be expected.
[Which is about as good as one could hope for in this place.]
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( Not very vague, but whatever. ) I'm not angry at him, but I can't talk to him. Will you keep an eye, Raidou-san? I don't want him to be hurt by something beyond his realm of control, but it's complicated.
( The more words, the more strained his voice becomes, as though each costs him something. Pain pulses a little behind his eyes. )
no subject
[He really does. He's been through this with Yuji before, but nothing Raidou can ever say seems like a comfort in the face of the horrible tragedies Yuji had to witness committed with his own body. While Yuji might not be to blame, Raidou can understand the misplaced anger. He just went through the same thing with Ereshkigal and her guardians. Some of it still lingers, the emotion spiting all logic.]
I will. I always will. [He feels helpless sometimes, in the face of the things the sorcerers have experienced back home. Feeling like an outsider, trying to help with problems he couldn't ever completely comprehend. But he has to try.]
I've, ah. I've bothered you long enough. I hope you can get some rest.
no subject
Thank you, Raidou-san.
( And then just before the door closes again. )
Stay safe.