It's been a terrible week. Geto feels crumpled up inside, heart squeezed tight like an empty can. It feels impossible. He's been passively seeking his end for almost as long as he can remember. Even here, in LILITH's servitude, has he even really tried living? He gets up, he goes about his day, he does not think about anything at all. Now this?
His girls, dead. Gojo's bleakly blank face. The wealth of broken children between them.
He doesn't want to, not really. But he sighs either way. ) I'm here, aren't I? I'm trying. Either way it isn't your responsibility to fix this, Megumi-san. It isn't something that can be mended easily. But I won't hurt anyone, and that has to mean something.
[ it's a child's insistence, the way megumi rushes to deny geto-san; he bites his tongue and reels himself back in before he oversteps far beyond forgiveness. ]
I understand that it's not my responsibility, [ he amends, gaze turned to the floor now. ] And I understand that it takes time. Grief isn't something people get over easily, I get it, but if I could help ease some of it, I have to try.
I want to try. You matter, and not just because of the people we both know who care about you. Would it be so bad to let someone like me try to help, Geto-san?
Everybody's hurting. Being alone makes it worse, doesn't it?
It's all I've ever done, Megumi-san. ( It sounds dryly mocking, a little self-inflicted ridicule. Geto knows he has never been very good at managing his own pain. His death, and the subsequent growth here has thrown it starkly into relief. He'd been a child drowning when he'd decided on his own path. Someone should have stepped in. He hadn't let them. He retreats, he knows that. Licking his wounds and letting infection set in. ) And I really don't want to take out the way I feel on someone undeserving. You can thank Yuji-kun for that.
( He might see-saw on that later. For now he's clinging to it. )
Do you think it would help you? A fight? Do you believe it would exorcise some of your agony?
I don't know if it will help, and I don't know if it's more helpful for you or for me or any of this, I— I don't know anything. I just know that I should try, because that's all I know how to do even when—
[ he's making it all about himself. pity the young master, with his riches and his named power; what makes him an orphan worthy of great regard? there are orphans left with nothing, fathers without daughters, sons without mothers. what gives him the right to stand before geto suguru and insist on what he should do?
the man is right. who is this really for, in the end?
megumi bows again, and this time he keeps his head bowed, his back straight. if it wouldn't be insulting, he'd bring his head to the ground and kiss the floor. quieter, and pained; ]
I'll excuse myself, Geto-san. I've inconvenienced you enough.
( It feels like an unfair cosmic joke, that he should feel fatherly now, but he's not so far gone that he can see someone twisting themselves up in a noose of their own making and not do something. Geto keeps his sigh in check, it would be too devastating otherwise. )
You're fine. You haven't. You wanted to help. It's all right. ( His hands move to pull the boy up from where he's bent, keep him there. ) When you're raised as a weapon it's hard to remember that there is something human there too.
( Isn't that funny? Human, like he hadn't distinguished himself away from those monkeys. Ah, he hates himself a little. That's fine. That's not new. )
But I don't think I'm in a place to keep that at the forefront right now. And I don't really want to hurt you. So I'm saying no for my own reasons. Satoru would not forgive me. I wouldn't either. Let me be sensible for once, no?
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no subject
And
But you will have to kill me first.
It's been a terrible week. Geto feels crumpled up inside, heart squeezed tight like an empty can. It feels impossible. He's been passively seeking his end for almost as long as he can remember. Even here, in LILITH's servitude, has he even really tried living? He gets up, he goes about his day, he does not think about anything at all. Now this?
His girls, dead. Gojo's bleakly blank face. The wealth of broken children between them.
He doesn't want to, not really. But he sighs either way. ) I'm here, aren't I? I'm trying. Either way it isn't your responsibility to fix this, Megumi-san. It isn't something that can be mended easily. But I won't hurt anyone, and that has to mean something.
no subject
[ it's a child's insistence, the way megumi rushes to deny geto-san; he bites his tongue and reels himself back in before he oversteps far beyond forgiveness. ]
I understand that it's not my responsibility, [ he amends, gaze turned to the floor now. ] And I understand that it takes time. Grief isn't something people get over easily, I get it, but if I could help ease some of it, I have to try.
I want to try. You matter, and not just because of the people we both know who care about you. Would it be so bad to let someone like me try to help, Geto-san?
Everybody's hurting. Being alone makes it worse, doesn't it?
no subject
It's all I've ever done, Megumi-san. ( It sounds dryly mocking, a little self-inflicted ridicule. Geto knows he has never been very good at managing his own pain. His death, and the subsequent growth here has thrown it starkly into relief. He'd been a child drowning when he'd decided on his own path. Someone should have stepped in. He hadn't let them. He retreats, he knows that. Licking his wounds and letting infection set in. ) And I really don't want to take out the way I feel on someone undeserving. You can thank Yuji-kun for that.
( He might see-saw on that later. For now he's clinging to it. )
Do you think it would help you? A fight? Do you believe it would exorcise some of your agony?
no subject
[ he's making it all about himself. pity the young master, with his riches and his named power; what makes him an orphan worthy of great regard? there are orphans left with nothing, fathers without daughters, sons without mothers. what gives him the right to stand before geto suguru and insist on what he should do?
the man is right. who is this really for, in the end?
megumi bows again, and this time he keeps his head bowed, his back straight. if it wouldn't be insulting, he'd bring his head to the ground and kiss the floor. quieter, and pained; ]
I'll excuse myself, Geto-san. I've inconvenienced you enough.
no subject
( It feels like an unfair cosmic joke, that he should feel fatherly now, but he's not so far gone that he can see someone twisting themselves up in a noose of their own making and not do something. Geto keeps his sigh in check, it would be too devastating otherwise. )
You're fine. You haven't. You wanted to help. It's all right. ( His hands move to pull the boy up from where he's bent, keep him there. ) When you're raised as a weapon it's hard to remember that there is something human there too.
( Isn't that funny? Human, like he hadn't distinguished himself away from those monkeys. Ah, he hates himself a little. That's fine. That's not new. )
But I don't think I'm in a place to keep that at the forefront right now. And I don't really want to hurt you. So I'm saying no for my own reasons. Satoru would not forgive me. I wouldn't either. Let me be sensible for once, no?