( Familiar. He lets it sit in the pit of his stomach with all the other bitterness he's consumed, the roiling unhappiness, the desperate disgust. He doesn't regret what he's done, but there's ... loss. Gojo Satoru is a phantom limb, something he always finds himself reaching for before forgetting it's gone. It doesn't hurt less. He isn't sure he ever expects it to.
Also he's not stupid, he knows avoidance. A different tact then. )
If you could be doing anything right now, what would it be?
[ If he could, Nanami would protect them. It’s difficult when both Geto and Gojo seem determined to keep chasing their own destruction. Hurting others and hurting themselves. It’s easy to pass blame when there’s already been so much loss, but Nanami can’t bring himself to blame either of them after the suffering they already went through.
He keeps drifting in and out of their fields, finding excuses to check in on both. Gojo is easy, but Geto… sometimes he has to go looking. Sometimes he ends up making dumb decisions just to hear about him. ]
Anything… I’d like to see the beach. Maybe travel more.
[ He never will. Those are just absent dreams that bubble up now and then, unfulfilled wishes from another life. But getting to do things for himself and escape the role of sorcerer for a time wouldn’t be bad. He agrees at least that they burn out too quickly, being forced into missions too often with little preparation. It would be nice to do something else. ]
I mean aside from the mountain of responsibility? But maybe you need to be more selfish.
( He certainly understands the appeal. How long ago was it that he and Satoru lingered on some beachside to give a doomed girl just a single second more of life? Maybe they should have stayed there. )
[ It's easier not to miss something he's never experienced. The dream is nice, it's tempting, but without tasting it once, Nanami will never know how much he's missing. He can work under those mountains of responsibilities and hold on to the "one day" promise until it won't carry him any further. He knows what he's doing, what this curse is, but he doesn't try to fight it. ]
You could go too, you know.
[ Geto and his family. They could just leave and find somewhere remote and be happy. Gojo would like that, knowing someone got something better out of their broken group. If one of them managed to do that, then wouldn't that be better for all of them? ]
( It's a nice dream, but that's all it can be. There's no disappearing into obscurity for Geto Suguru, he has too much blood on his hands for that, he is too powerful for that. He simply has to keep going until he succeeds or is stopped. )
Heh. Maybe in another life. Besides, I think the seaside would be too sedate for Nanako. She likes the city too much, and Mimiko likes what her sister likes. I'd be outnumbered.
[ Neither of them could really give up their lives. As nice as it sounds, there's already been too many sacrifices and losses for any of them to disappear into that fantasy escape. They would all come back eventually no matter how much they tried to escape. But. ]
You could make it a short trip. Show me what it's like.
( He knows what he's doing is right, that's not the point. Someone like Nanami should find it repulsive either way. It would be easier on them both if he just gave in to that. )
You'd be better off avoiding me like everyone else.
Besides, I promised you a postcard. I don't want anyone thinking I'm a man who goes back on their word. Can't do that if we're avoiding each other, right?
They're really not giving a good idea of the recruitment process here.
( He should be mortified by it, but a part of him just wishes he could tell Satoru. They'd have laughed about it once upon a time. )
Sometimes we hand out free coffee, that's the usual kind of boon. But did it work? Should I expect you? I don't really want to get my kesa dirty, so we should keep it civil.
I figured that wasn't the case. They were just excited to show you off. I guess I gave them the impression I was interested.
[ He guesses. Honestly, Gojo will likely hear about this later. Because Nanami can't seem to pull himself out of either of their spheres. Both of these men, charismatic and terrifying. Honestly if they were working together no one would stand a chance against them. ]
Will you be there? I was promised you even take private interviews.
( It's either late enough at night that he can joke about it, or that Nanami has settled some of his defensive edges throughout the conversation. Geto isn't entirely sure which. Usually he appreciates the forward thinking of his followers, they need more people, it's just --.
Odd.
He tries to imagine catching the eye of someone he knows in one of those meetings, isn't sure exactly how he'd feel about it. )
I go to as many as I can. There always needs to be a face to the campaign. And usually if someone tells me there's a potential recruit that needs a more personal touch I go, yeah. But you don't need to jump through so many hoops.
[ Is it a bad idea? Probably. He knows what he'll be getting into, and walking right into the lion's den is risky, but he can't stop himself. Maybe he does want to see Geto, and he's in the unique position to do so under the higher up's radar. Doesn't Gojo want to know how he's doing?
[ He was definitely paying more attention than he'll admit. Sleeping with his followers is one thing, but being constantly distracted by discussions of Geto himself is too much of an admission. ]
Next Wednesday. Since I have an invitation, I don't want to waste it.
[ No one can predict the future. If they had just done things differently, maybe they would have better lives, but it's easy to say that after the fact. Suffering always has a way of coloring judgment. ]
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Also he's not stupid, he knows avoidance. A different tact then. )
If you could be doing anything right now, what would it be?
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He keeps drifting in and out of their fields, finding excuses to check in on both. Gojo is easy, but Geto… sometimes he has to go looking. Sometimes he ends up making dumb decisions just to hear about him. ]
Anything… I’d like to see the beach. Maybe travel more.
[ He never will. Those are just absent dreams that bubble up now and then, unfulfilled wishes from another life. But getting to do things for himself and escape the role of sorcerer for a time wouldn’t be bad. He agrees at least that they burn out too quickly, being forced into missions too often with little preparation. It would be nice to do something else. ]
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What could stop you?
I mean aside from the mountain of responsibility? But maybe you need to be more selfish.
( He certainly understands the appeal. How long ago was it that he and Satoru lingered on some beachside to give a doomed girl just a single second more of life? Maybe they should have stayed there. )
You could send me a postcard.
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[ It's easier not to miss something he's never experienced. The dream is nice, it's tempting, but without tasting it once, Nanami will never know how much he's missing. He can work under those mountains of responsibilities and hold on to the "one day" promise until it won't carry him any further. He knows what he's doing, what this curse is, but he doesn't try to fight it. ]
You could go too, you know.
[ Geto and his family. They could just leave and find somewhere remote and be happy. Gojo would like that, knowing someone got something better out of their broken group. If one of them managed to do that, then wouldn't that be better for all of them? ]
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( It's a nice dream, but that's all it can be. There's no disappearing into obscurity for Geto Suguru, he has too much blood on his hands for that, he is too powerful for that. He simply has to keep going until he succeeds or is stopped. )
Heh. Maybe in another life. Besides, I think the seaside would be too sedate for Nanako. She likes the city too much, and Mimiko likes what her sister likes. I'd be outnumbered.
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You could make it a short trip.
Show me what it's like.
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You gonna put it on the fridge?
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As a note from an old friend.
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Okay, Nanami. I'll send you a postcard.
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To answer your other question: I think I'd like that. Hearing from you.
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( He knows what he's doing is right, that's not the point. Someone like Nanami should find it repulsive either way. It would be easier on them both if he just gave in to that. )
You'd be better off avoiding me like everyone else.
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[ He knows how to keep boundaries. He's doing it for Gojo too. ]
I won't force you. But I can understand.
[ As painful as it is, as much as it might come back to hurt him later, Nanami can't bring himself to hate or judge Geto. ]
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( Someone has to be. )
Besides, I promised you a postcard. I don't want anyone thinking I'm a man who goes back on their word. Can't do that if we're avoiding each other, right?
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Your followers invited me to one of their meetings. They were sure you would show up.
[ He doesn't necessarily believe that. ]
You can still send the postcard.
oops forgot to finish a sentence
( He should be mortified by it, but a part of him just wishes he could tell Satoru. They'd have laughed about it once upon a time. )
Sometimes we hand out free coffee, that's the usual kind of boon. But did it work? Should I expect you? I don't really want to get my kesa dirty, so we should keep it civil.
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[ He guesses. Honestly, Gojo will likely hear about this later. Because Nanami can't seem to pull himself out of either of their spheres. Both of these men, charismatic and terrifying. Honestly if they were working together no one would stand a chance against them. ]
Will you be there? I was promised you even take private interviews.
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( It's either late enough at night that he can joke about it, or that Nanami has settled some of his defensive edges throughout the conversation. Geto isn't entirely sure which. Usually he appreciates the forward thinking of his followers, they need more people, it's just --.
Odd.
He tries to imagine catching the eye of someone he knows in one of those meetings, isn't sure exactly how he'd feel about it. )
I go to as many as I can. There always needs to be a face to the campaign. And usually if someone tells me there's a potential recruit that needs a more personal touch I go, yeah. But you don't need to jump through so many hoops.
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[ Is it a bad idea? Probably. He knows what he'll be getting into, and walking right into the lion's den is risky, but he can't stop himself. Maybe he does want to see Geto, and he's in the unique position to do so under the higher up's radar. Doesn't Gojo want to know how he's doing?
It's fine. It's all fine. ]
What would I need to do?
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Just tell me which one you're going to. I'll be there. No strings, no herculean tasks.
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[ He was definitely paying more attention than he'll admit. Sleeping with his followers is one thing, but being constantly distracted by discussions of Geto himself is too much of an admission. ]
Next Wednesday. Since I have an invitation, I don't want to waste it.
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The donation plate gets passed around, what you do with that information is up to you.
Next Wednesday then.
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I'm not helping fund that. I just want to talk.
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Fine, bring me something sweet. That's an offering, right? And then after we can talk.
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All right. I'll bring an offering.
[ For him, not his cause. For his old friend. ]
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I'll see you next Wednesday, try not to be late.
( And until then, Nanami might want to keep an eye out for tasteful postcards that aren't signed appearing in his mailbox. )
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