( He finds all of this very suspicious. But it still looks like good sake, and he does kind of want it. He's tempted to drink straight out of the bottle too, but as he's somewhat responsible for these kids he'll get up and find a cup. He even brings a soda back for Yuji from his mini-fridge, briefly pressing the cold can against the nape of his neck in retaliation before he plops it down in front of him. )
[ He’s grinning, though it does falter a little, his heart in his throat.
This has to be harder for Geto. Losing his best friend and someone he might have wanted to be more than that with… Yuji had been bereft when he’d lost Megumi. Knowing that Gojo went back to die… ]
He hadn’t spoken to me in months, so maybe I haven’t quite realised it in my heart yet. It’s all been hard to deal with, since June, really.
( He'd been aware of the silence between teacher and student, but he hadn't brought it up. Geto had hoped that after the two of them went away, once they'd worked through some of the pain, that maybe -.
It's too late now. )
I know. Maybe it will hit later. I keep thinking -.
( That he'll just show up. That he'll amble in the door and offer Geto a cocky grin and issue some kind of stupid challenge. )
Well. We knew it was something that might happen.
( He hates it, hand shaking as he pours the cup. But what else can he do now? )
Yeah. That doesn't make it easier, though, does it?
[ Yuji goes, flopping down, and leans in to nudge Geto gently, without hesitation or concern. This is his new normal, and he's glad to be able to sit at this man's side and support him as much as he can.
Someone has to do it, even more now that Gojo is gone. ]
Geto still remembers how close they came to blowing up in everyone's faces. The children don't know that, and so he simply downs his drink, refilling it. )
It was a nice dream. ( Terribly wistful. ) I just wish we'd known.
I thought I had something back, Yuji-kun. Something that I'd lost a very long time ago. I thought maybe this time I'd get to keep it. ( Gojo called him a crybaby, once. He can feel it swell now, the heat behind his eyes. ) I'll survive though. It's just funny that he's left me to it. We made a promise. Of course he's backed out.
( They'd keep going for each other. )
I won't let anything happen to any of you though. If Satoru isn't here then that responsibility falls to me. You'll come if you need something?
Losing Megumi to Sukuna had been one of the worst experiences of his life. Add that to the other losses his young heart already bled for - Kugisaki, Nanami, Junpei, his grandfather - and he had barely been able to cope. He's still not sure if he did, or if his determination just kept him going until he could finally collapse.
Nothing is perfect, and he's still healing, but he recognises how much this hurt can ache. ]
You... Geto-san. [ He hesitates, awkward. ] Do you think there's a reason why the kaiju made you think I was your son?
( He has complicated feelings about how it panned out. They're not Yuji's fault. )
You and I have certain similarities. Or maybe it's just because we're close, mm? Either way there would have been worse sons to have. And I still think thirty is a better marrying age.
I wish you could have met Mimiko and Nanako properly.
( Out of his mouth before he can shove it back down. )
I wish I'd given them a better chance at living. The trouble with this place, Yuji, is that it makes you see all the ways you've gone wrong. But they would have liked a brother. ( A pause. ) They would have liked to bully a brother.
He explains how he’d fought Choso and almost died, and had been weak and tired. That he’s not sure what the girls did, but they had Sukuna’s finger. That he was force fed more, and he couldn’t keep control. Ten at once was too many for him to be able to stay himself.
Sukuna didn’t listen to them. Sukuna didn’t care.
They wanted their father’s body back to lay him to rest.
Yuji explains how they died, and his fingers clench tight. ]
I… I’m sorry. I couldn’t…
[ Fight back. Keep control. Save them - save anyone. ]
( There are wet tear marks down his face by the time Yuji is finished, though Geto remains mostly silent. He lifts a hand to rub at his cheek, tries to ignore the tremble in it. )
It wasn't your fault.
( Slowly, as carefully as he can. )
If anyone is to blame, Yuji, then it is me. I left them. I didn't prepare them for it. None of you could have held up against Sukuna. It isn't fair to expect that of you.
( He winds his arms around Yuji, one hand pressed to the back of his head. )
Itadori, they were my children. So when I tell you that it wasn't your fault I want you to listen to me. Allow me that, mm? You couldn't help it. Neither could they. The odds have always been stacked against us.
( They're sorcerers. All of them. Doomed to a world that does not understand them, that could not protect them. It isn't fair. )
I don't want you to suffer for what happened. I want you to honour them. Be a teenager, let yourself rest. That's what I wanted for them. That's why I tried not to push them so far. They were hurt little girls and I couldn't bear the idea of them being soldiers. So do the same for them.
Geto is right; the girls were his, and he should be allowed to choose how to mourn them. Yuji mourned with anger and fight, with power in his fists and the churn of his stomach - Geto is allowed his own time.
Just be a kid. Like they should have been. That's all I want, Yuji-kun.
( He settles back, briefly pressing the meat of his palm into his eye sockets. )
I didn't know what I was doing when I found those girls. I was seventeen, and they were five years old, and I was ... well, unwell might be the kind way to put it. Worn out, stretched thin, buried under the weight of a responsibility I wasn't sure I wanted. ( He does not often talk about the before. The slide from promising young man to tyrant. He picks at the nail varnish on one thumb, humming. ) I didn't know I would be changing all of our lives. I just wanted to help them. Sometimes I wonder what might have happened had I called Satoru first.
I don't think we should spend all of our time thinking about the past.
[ See? Growth. ]
I used to wish that I could do things differently, that I could save other people, that I could swap their life for mine. That I could make it all better. But that just made me miserable, and everyone else was sad because of it.
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Do you think I'm mad about it? I didn't mind.
[ But he isn't Geto's son. He'd never replace what was taken from him, and it feels weird to joke about it. ]
I brought candy. And sake.
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Who sold you sake? I'll have words with them.
( But also give it here, kid. )
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[ He hands it over with a grin. ]
I thought you might need it.
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Are you doing all right, Yuji-kun?
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[ He’s grinning, though it does falter a little, his heart in his throat.
This has to be harder for Geto. Losing his best friend and someone he might have wanted to be more than that with… Yuji had been bereft when he’d lost Megumi. Knowing that Gojo went back to die… ]
He hadn’t spoken to me in months, so maybe I haven’t quite realised it in my heart yet. It’s all been hard to deal with, since June, really.
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It's too late now. )
I know. Maybe it will hit later. I keep thinking -.
( That he'll just show up. That he'll amble in the door and offer Geto a cocky grin and issue some kind of stupid challenge. )
Well. We knew it was something that might happen.
( He hates it, hand shaking as he pours the cup. But what else can he do now? )
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[ Yuji goes, flopping down, and leans in to nudge Geto gently, without hesitation or concern. This is his new normal, and he's glad to be able to sit at this man's side and support him as much as he can.
Someone has to do it, even more now that Gojo is gone. ]
He was happy here, I think.
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Geto still remembers how close they came to blowing up in everyone's faces. The children don't know that, and so he simply downs his drink, refilling it. )
It was a nice dream. ( Terribly wistful. ) I just wish we'd known.
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It still stings.
Sighing softly, he glazes up at the other man, his expression softening. ]
Me too. I wish there was anything we could do about this kind of thing. To make it easier.
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( He's been considering. )
I hope he's at peace now.
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[ He shakes his head. Please, don't. ]
Will you be okay?
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( At least it's honest. )
I thought I had something back, Yuji-kun. Something that I'd lost a very long time ago. I thought maybe this time I'd get to keep it. ( Gojo called him a crybaby, once. He can feel it swell now, the heat behind his eyes. ) I'll survive though. It's just funny that he's left me to it. We made a promise. Of course he's backed out.
( They'd keep going for each other. )
I won't let anything happen to any of you though. If Satoru isn't here then that responsibility falls to me. You'll come if you need something?
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[ Maybe not in the same way, but a similar one.
Losing Megumi to Sukuna had been one of the worst experiences of his life. Add that to the other losses his young heart already bled for - Kugisaki, Nanami, Junpei, his grandfather - and he had barely been able to cope. He's still not sure if he did, or if his determination just kept him going until he could finally collapse.
Nothing is perfect, and he's still healing, but he recognises how much this hurt can ache. ]
You... Geto-san. [ He hesitates, awkward. ] Do you think there's a reason why the kaiju made you think I was your son?
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( He has complicated feelings about how it panned out. They're not Yuji's fault. )
You and I have certain similarities. Or maybe it's just because we're close, mm? Either way there would have been worse sons to have. And I still think thirty is a better marrying age.
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[ Why is everything so hard all the time. ]
It wasn't fair.
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( Out of his mouth before he can shove it back down. )
I wish I'd given them a better chance at living. The trouble with this place, Yuji, is that it makes you see all the ways you've gone wrong. But they would have liked a brother. ( A pause. ) They would have liked to bully a brother.
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[ A small scowl, before his shoulders slump. ]
Did... Do you want to... Know more? Of what I remember? Or would that hurt too much?
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He owes it to each of them, doesn't he? Yuji included. )
All right.
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[ So Yuji explains it all.
He explains how he’d fought Choso and almost died, and had been weak and tired. That he’s not sure what the girls did, but they had Sukuna’s finger. That he was force fed more, and he couldn’t keep control. Ten at once was too many for him to be able to stay himself.
Sukuna didn’t listen to them. Sukuna didn’t care.
They wanted their father’s body back to lay him to rest.
Yuji explains how they died, and his fingers clench tight. ]
I… I’m sorry. I couldn’t…
[ Fight back. Keep control. Save them - save anyone. ]
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It wasn't your fault.
( Slowly, as carefully as he can. )
If anyone is to blame, Yuji, then it is me. I left them. I didn't prepare them for it. None of you could have held up against Sukuna. It isn't fair to expect that of you.
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[ Will he ever stop blaming himself? Hating himself?
It was his body. His hands. His cursed energy, in a way. He lost control, he failed, and people died because of it. So many people died because of it.
How does he not blame himself for that?
Slowly, he turns himself, reaches out, and goes to wrap his arms around Geto. ]
You didn’t ask for this. Neither did they. They just loved you, and I think that’s amazing. To be loved like that by someone is amazing.
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Itadori, they were my children. So when I tell you that it wasn't your fault I want you to listen to me. Allow me that, mm? You couldn't help it. Neither could they. The odds have always been stacked against us.
( They're sorcerers. All of them. Doomed to a world that does not understand them, that could not protect them. It isn't fair. )
I don't want you to suffer for what happened. I want you to honour them. Be a teenager, let yourself rest. That's what I wanted for them. That's why I tried not to push them so far. They were hurt little girls and I couldn't bear the idea of them being soldiers. So do the same for them.
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[ He can accept that. He has to.
Geto is right; the girls were his, and he should be allowed to choose how to mourn them. Yuji mourned with anger and fight, with power in his fists and the churn of his stomach - Geto is allowed his own time.
He's allowed whatever he wants. ]
I'll remember them. I promise.
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( He settles back, briefly pressing the meat of his palm into his eye sockets. )
I didn't know what I was doing when I found those girls. I was seventeen, and they were five years old, and I was ... well, unwell might be the kind way to put it. Worn out, stretched thin, buried under the weight of a responsibility I wasn't sure I wanted. ( He does not often talk about the before. The slide from promising young man to tyrant. He picks at the nail varnish on one thumb, humming. ) I didn't know I would be changing all of our lives. I just wanted to help them. Sometimes I wonder what might have happened had I called Satoru first.
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[ See? Growth. ]
I used to wish that I could do things differently, that I could save other people, that I could swap their life for mine. That I could make it all better. But that just made me miserable, and everyone else was sad because of it.
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rachel pls come back to me on the pocky meme i wanna do a new hangout w yuji. unless u tl'd
i did it !!!
bless u
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