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stuff that requires a condom.

[ he's got his emotional support coffee out. ]

( He'll lift his eyes to the ceiling just briefly. )

Probably precisely like that. You don't want to be vague, honest communication is important and if you're serious about it you want to make sure the both of you are on the same page.

Are you serious about it?

i don't want to overwhelm him. he's not used to... things.

[ the whole not being human but occupying a human body is kind of a big conversation. ]

i'm not talking about going all the way, just... stuff. other stuff. more than holding hands and making out, but... not the other thing.

( It takes him a moment. He's never used condoms for anything other than penetrative sex, but then it hadn't really mattered when Satoru was the only man he'd ever slept with. Still, there's a point in Megumi's favour to be prepared. )

All right, a counter question.

Will you be annoyed if I address something other than navigating teenage desires?

...depends on the diversion? are you going to do the thing sensei does where something becomes a really serious teachable moment?

I don't think so?

I only want us to consider the impact it might have on Hikaru. What if it distracts him away from the control he has over his form? That needs to be part of your discussion.

you're worried he might accidentally kill me.

[ that doesn't sound so bad. which, megumi understands, is extremely selfish. ]

if it's his nature, then i can't hold it against him.

I would prefer you did, actually.

For one it goes against the pact. Unsafe behaviour.

that pact's between us, not me and him. he's not bound by the same rules.

[ echoes of getting lawyered to hell and back by gojo satoru's teaching method. lo and behold. ]

and wouldn't it be bad for him too? he's already

he's not human. not the way we're human. it doesn't make him evil or wrong. if we're judging people for the harm they can do, then what about yuji? what about me? what about all of the harm we've done, that we didn't choose to do?

Did I say any of that?

Yes, I'm more concerned about you. That won't change. But imagine if Hikaru-san harmed you, do you think he'd take it well?

All I'm saying is you should talk about it. Be careful. If you're grown enough to be thinking about sex you're grown enough to be thinking about not psychologically obliterating your partner.

[ oh. that's— ]

extremely vivid and wildly specific.

[ in hindsight, that's probably what happened between him and gojo-sensei, now that megumi's taking a minute to gnaw on the thought. the signs were all there; he just needed the context. ]

sorry.

maybe it's a sign i'm not ready.

It's fine. I know you know my feelings on the matter, but when we talk I'm only trying to help you see some things you might not have considered. I'm not entirely against it, or the boy in general. It's just I would be cautious.

You can talk about it though. It would be good for you to know. And you can still go slowly. Hikaru-san might not have navigated these waters either.

cautious is good. sometimes it's all we can do, and that's more than enough.

i'm pretty sure neither of us will have, too. did you know he has someone like me back home? not— not someone he's kissing, or i guess he wants to but they never got to it, or maybe it's more like me and yuji where it doesn't matter what form their friendship takes... i don't know. he misses him too. i don't want him to think that i'm trying to replace his friend.

fighting is a lot easier to figure out.

It is.

But you like him. And you're on the right track. I think it's good that you're trying to ask yourself these questions. Don't worry so much about what awaits either of you back home, you're here now. You should be allowed to live the life you have.

[ live the life that they have — what kind of life is it, really? it could be the best thing ever, but there's a world that he's still tethered to, a home that may be waiting for him.

but he doesn't have anyone there, does he? yuji's here. hikaru's here. sensei and geto-san and nanami-san are here, and maybe one day tsumiki will be, too. this place offers him hope. it's scary. ]

can't you come home with us instead?

Ah.

I think it would kill me to be in the place where I failed. As much as Neo Tokyo is familiar it is a space away from home. And the one I built is not there any more.