[ it strikes megumi suddenly that perhaps geto hasn't had to face the effects of infinity void or hollow purple, because sensei has never had to aim either at him at any point. ]
at the time, sensei can only hit six infinite voids in a row before he has to replenish his cursed energy. anyone else, any other time, he wouldn't need to hit more than one.
i know this because i took on six hits for a chance to kill him.
Because of course it would have to be horrible enough, of course it would have to be personal enough. Satoru is strong but he flinches when his heart is involved. Geto feels misery well, an awful sympathy. For both of them. )
every time i look in the mirror. every time i feel anything with this stupid body. every time i get a moment of peace to myself. there isn't a part of me that he didn't take over. i can't escape it.
it's not the kind of helplessness you can just stop thinking about. or maybe i'm not strong enough, because i can't.
he shouldn't. i wish he wouldn't. i could've fought harder to get back, i could've tried to stop all of it from happening. i got careless and stupid and i thought i was owed one good thing, but that's not how the world works.
life is never fair. if it was, he'd be alive and not me.
Fathers shouldn't outlive their children. It's too cruel.
He loves you. I know it is hard for him to acknowledge that sometimes. I used to think he didn't know how to name whatever he was feeling. But he does feel it.
Will you think it's ego if I tell you I won't let that happen? We have given up so much in the quest for a better future, I refuse to jeopardise what we do have now. If he wanders too far I'll rein him back in.
Satoru and I have discussed it. He has impressed upon me that I need to stop overthinking things. I worried about overstepping. He told me that was stupid. I want to be somewhere you can turn to too. All three of you. Just because he and I are trying to make things work doesn't mean there is no other space for anything else. A family is a family. You're his family. I'd like to be yours too.
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i'm confusion
What's terrifying?
i got u!!!
you know how he died, right?
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No.
Only that he did.
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i know this because i took on six hits for a chance to kill him.
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Then several more.
Because of course it would have to be horrible enough, of course it would have to be personal enough. Satoru is strong but he flinches when his heart is involved. Geto feels misery well, an awful sympathy. For both of them. )
Does thinking about it so much help?
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it's not the kind of helplessness you can just stop thinking about. or maybe i'm not strong enough, because i can't.
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He didn't blame you. I know he can't remember it now, but before. He didn't hold you accountable at all.
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life is never fair. if it was, he'd be alive and not me.
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He loves you. I know it is hard for him to acknowledge that sometimes. I used to think he didn't know how to name whatever he was feeling. But he does feel it.
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...that was rude of me to say, to you of all people. i'm sorry.
it's fine. i know he's gonna move on one day anyway. that's always how it'll turn out.
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I doubt that.
I doubt there's a world where he does not think of you deep down. He can be careless, but he never means it cruelly.
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i don't where i fit in all of that.
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Satoru and I have discussed it. He has impressed upon me that I need to stop overthinking things. I worried about overstepping. He told me that was stupid. I want to be somewhere you can turn to too. All three of you. Just because he and I are trying to make things work doesn't mean there is no other space for anything else. A family is a family. You're his family. I'd like to be yours too.
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i believe you. i just don't know if i believe it for myself.
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Haven't you heard? I'm very stubborn. I can wait it out.
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What shall I cook for dinner tonight? You get to decide this time.
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Good choice. Do you want dessert? I'm branching out. Complaints have been made.
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i like shaved ice, i think.
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It's just dinner.
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