[ it strikes megumi suddenly that perhaps geto hasn't had to face the effects of infinity void or hollow purple, because sensei has never had to aim either at him at any point. ]
at the time, sensei can only hit six infinite voids in a row before he has to replenish his cursed energy. anyone else, any other time, he wouldn't need to hit more than one.
i know this because i took on six hits for a chance to kill him.
Because of course it would have to be horrible enough, of course it would have to be personal enough. Satoru is strong but he flinches when his heart is involved. Geto feels misery well, an awful sympathy. For both of them. )
every time i look in the mirror. every time i feel anything with this stupid body. every time i get a moment of peace to myself. there isn't a part of me that he didn't take over. i can't escape it.
it's not the kind of helplessness you can just stop thinking about. or maybe i'm not strong enough, because i can't.
he shouldn't. i wish he wouldn't. i could've fought harder to get back, i could've tried to stop all of it from happening. i got careless and stupid and i thought i was owed one good thing, but that's not how the world works.
life is never fair. if it was, he'd be alive and not me.
Fathers shouldn't outlive their children. It's too cruel.
He loves you. I know it is hard for him to acknowledge that sometimes. I used to think he didn't know how to name whatever he was feeling. But he does feel it.
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How weird?
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Which means I know what I'm saying when I tell you that I think it's nice how hard he's trying now. He wants us to be happy.
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[ the only reason to bridge two separate parts of one's life is if the barriers will no longer matter. gojo taught him this from the beginning. ]
us, as you and him and me. not just you and him.
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( Uh oh. )
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( He wouldn't be the one pregnant anyway. )
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[ luckily! he dies young! ]
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infinity void is terrifying.
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i'm confusion
What's terrifying?
i got u!!!
you know how he died, right?
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No.
Only that he did.
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i know this because i took on six hits for a chance to kill him.
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Then several more.
Because of course it would have to be horrible enough, of course it would have to be personal enough. Satoru is strong but he flinches when his heart is involved. Geto feels misery well, an awful sympathy. For both of them. )
Does thinking about it so much help?
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it's not the kind of helplessness you can just stop thinking about. or maybe i'm not strong enough, because i can't.
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He didn't blame you. I know he can't remember it now, but before. He didn't hold you accountable at all.
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life is never fair. if it was, he'd be alive and not me.
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He loves you. I know it is hard for him to acknowledge that sometimes. I used to think he didn't know how to name whatever he was feeling. But he does feel it.
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...that was rude of me to say, to you of all people. i'm sorry.
it's fine. i know he's gonna move on one day anyway. that's always how it'll turn out.
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I doubt that.
I doubt there's a world where he does not think of you deep down. He can be careless, but he never means it cruelly.
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